Coping with a Suicide Loss
The experience of losing someone significant to suicide can come with unique challenges that may complicate the grieving process.
Often, people report encountering stigma surrounding the cause of death, a lack of social support, and persistent thoughts about why the loss occurred or whether it could have been prevented that exacerbate the painful experience of the loss.
Stigma and Limited Social Support
Suicide loss is frequently stigmatized in American culture and many religious communities, leaving people uncomfortable talking openly about it. If you’ve shared about your loss, you may have encountered hurtful, ignorant, or dismissive remarks. Alternatively, friends or family might want to support you but simply don’t know how. They may have chosen to “give you space” or refrained from discussing their own issues, thinking they shouldn’t “bother you” with their problems, leaving you feeling even more isolated. You might have found yourself guiding your loved ones on how to support you or, worse, managing their emotional reactions to your loss.
These experiences can intensify the loneliness that often accompanies grief, making it harder to connect with those around you. It’s important to remember that your grief is valid, and you deserve support—even if it feels difficult to find. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or professional help can ease the isolation and bring the comfort and understanding you need during this time.
Repetitive Thoughts and the Search for Meaning
In trying to make sense of the loss, you may find yourself revisiting the past, searching for answers, and wondering if you could have done something differently. It’s common to ruminate on questions like:
What if I had checked in on them earlier that day?
What if we hadn’t argued?
What if they had received help sooner?
Why didn’t I notice the “warning signs”?
Suicide is incredibly complex. There isn’t a single reason someone dies by suicide, nor is there one action that causes it. It’s more like a perfect storm—a convergence of multiple factors, many beyond anyone’s control. Simply put, it is not your fault. Even if you argued before, even if you didn’t pick up the phone, even if you knew they were going through a hard time, it is not your fault.
As you cope with what might feel like unimaginable grief and pain, it is important to provide yourself with compassion and remember that there is not one way to grieve. Sometimes grieving is just about taking it one day at a time, sometimes even one minute at a time. If you’ve experienced a suicide loss, know that you’re not alone, and help is available.
Support Resources
Individual therapy and support groups for suicide loss survivors can be beneficial, as can online forums and support spaces. Below are some resources you may find helpful.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group
Alliance of Hope: https://allianceofhope.org/
Friends for survival: https://friendsforsurvival.org/
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education: https://save.org/what-we-do/grief-support/
Works Cited:
Jordan J. R. (2020). Lessons Learned: Forty Years of Clinical Work With Suicide Loss Survivors. Frontiers in psychology, 11, 766. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00766
